Tuesday, July 10, 2007

What Is Love???

I hardly buy newspaper coz I don't have much time to read it. So, I rather read it from the net. Today, I were slightly free this morning and wanted to update myself on the news about the little girl Ying Ying. Taking about this, I really boiling hot liau. This one call mother??? She is not fit!!! Anyhow, what I wanted to talk about here is regarding a teenage girl Chai Kah Mun from KL.
Normally, I will see from the side bar what is most viewed news for the day and after reading about Ying Ying story, this is another one that catch my eyes - Runaways run to Chong first. Now, who want to run away pulak? This girl is only 15 years old and she had run to Datuk Micheal Chong office. She is not there for serious help but in return telling him that she had got a plan to run away from home. She does not want them to entertain the family if they would go to Datuk Chong office to ask for help. She said her dad, Chai had been too controlling over her and she is not allow to go for tuition class. But her dad said, he could not afford it as he is only a Chee Cheong Fun seller. He also added that Kah Mun boyfriend who is from another race challenge him to search for the house once when she runaway from home.
THE STAR - read more
Kuala Lumpur ........ He had previously placed her in a home as he claimed she was “too demanding” – wanting to go out every day and seeking more freedom. “I promised to allow her to continue the relationship once she turned 18. She asked that I allow her to go for tuition classes. I want to but I do not have enough money,” said Chai.

Kah Mun, who cried during the press conference, said she just wanted her father to allow her out of the house, and trust that she would be able to take care of herself. “I don’t want to be locked up all the time,” said Kah Mun.

Chong acted as a mediator and obtained a promise from the father to allow Kah Mun out of the house twice a week. He also urged Kah Mun to understand her father’s concern and financial difficulties.

“Here is an example of a vulnerable single-parent family trying its best not to crack from the everyday pressures of financial limitation, a generation gap and outside influences,” he said.
I were a little disappoint and feeling sad over this news lor. What is going on with the society? The father may be over protective but he may have his worry over her daughter. There are so many cases that young girl are being cheated or raped by boyfriend. Tell me which dad or parents don't wish the best to happen on their kids. She is only 15 years old and don't tell me she know what is love. The love she needed and searching are a different type of love. I called Kah Mun love as puppy love only. There are still lots of things that she had yet to see and experience. Any teenager who read my story might not be agreeable to me but sit down and calm down - think about your future. I have also gone thru the teenage life and I know. I have also seen many things. For example, a teenager who stay next door to my mom's house. She is only 16 years old and she is soon to give birth. Her husband is only 20 years old, working in as a casual worker in a factory. How much money can he earn? Don't think the figure he earn could be enough for himself too. How is he going to take care of the wife and the baby? Now, the burden goes to the parents. Why? Because the parents got to take care of her and her expenses too. This girl is going to miss a lot more fun as a teenager. Only 16 and she is already a mom. When I am 16, I am so happy playing around, go to places that I want to visit and many more. And for her, she got to sit at home and jaga anak.
On the other side, I believe the dad could be over protective. Nowadays, what every teenager are talking about is FREEDOM. Who don't want freedom? But do everyone know how to used it correctly? We as parents should know what our kids need too.
Today, I am a daughter and also a mother to 2 kids so, I felt I am qualify to say this - young people, try to understand your parents. Do not compare yourself with your friends. Everyone are different. Don't blame your parents, they could have tried their best to provide the best to you. Off course, as parents we should not be too over protective. Everyone need some space for their personal things too. We can keep an eye on them but should not treat them as prisoner lor. Today world is very much different from the previous. Parents should learn to be the kids best friends too. What do I mean by this? Meaning, apart from their good friends, we as parents should also be their close friends. By doing this, they will share with us about their feelings, problems and things that are going on with them. By knowing what is going on with them, it is much easier for us to help them. Many parents thought that by giving money to their children means they love them very much. Whoever have this thinking, I can tell you that you are WRONG. Kids are like us adult too - need love, care, attention, understanding and communication too. MONEY is NOT LOVE. Spend time daily with your kids. In return our children will also understand us when we talk to them - there could be time where we face difficulty in our financial or work. We have to teach them to learn certain things. If they can understand us like how we understand them, don't you think the situation will be better ?
Guess, I am bit cheong hei (long winded) liau today.


Hor ny Ang Moh said...

Aiyoh! Don't be so 'hot'lah ( quickly pour a big pail of cold water on Erina head ).Cool down! cool down!
Seriously nowaday to be a good parent is hard.On one hand we will try to give our best for our children, but on one hand no money how?
In case of doughter! We must remember that girls age between 12-19 is their 'development' stage.It is hard to control the biological urg. But with guidance/councelling plus perental love & advice.Of couse at this stage the friends she is with is very impt.Do't ever let her mixed with the wrong company.Give her some freedom & let her made some decision so that she have confidence. I am sure any doughter can be well brought up.
In case of son! It is the same but made sure that he is a responsible kids. Tell it to him that he is responsible if he go 'pokeing' around. The best is to advice him not to 'poke' around.
Wah laueh!! Long comment! Hope u don't mind.

Have a nice day.

miss.reenee said...

yeah, I agree with you, some teenagers just don't understand their parents! I'm going on 19 this year and I admit, I do have my share of problems with my parents but they being understanding, always allow me out. They almost never say no to me going out with friends but with a condition that I tell them when I'm coming back. I also agree that teenage love is just a feeling, how sure are we that the feeling is real love??? aiya so complicated, better just enjoy life and kap zai without worrying too much :)

mrs b said...

as a mom you hope that you don't lose your daughter or son during the rebellious teenage years, scary huh?

Sweet Jasmine said...

Wah! Erina, I think you will be a good parent to your kids..I agree providing them with food and shelter is not enough..communication thru' love and understanding is very important..the most difficult yrs are those teenage yrs when they are most rebellious..P.S..Please visit my blog at http://mohlee56.blogspot.com.. I am a new kid on the blog..

Bit Nee said...

I think teenagers these days are too blinded by LOVE (they think it's the real thing cos the bfs shower them with affection, attention, gifts la) while parents' love is through giving you education/ providing a shelter over our head (like the chee cheong fun seller). Cari makan also susah and cinapeks also deosn't know how to express themselves well. So if both sides are hard headed this is what happens lor. Well I have been a teenager and understand how they feel..there are times I feel my parents do not understand me and seek attention elsewhere lor but over the years I begin to understand more about parent's sacrifice. Start to worry cos it will be our turn (it's a cycle) soon

Anonymous said...

ermmm... being a teenager before, I'm the bookworm kind. My parents always thanked their lucky stars for having me...LOL. I'm most happy with my magazines and books preferably Sci-Fi, PI,etc and general knowledge books. To the extend that I'm willing to go to school early & help out the School Librarian for the sake of reading the Can-Read-In-BUT-Can't-Lend-Out thick books! MY birthday gifts are books... and this habit still with me till today. My parents are not rich but enough to feed us siblings 3 healthy-yummylicious-meals and a shelter above out heads. From young we're taught how to save money in little Disney coin boxes in shapes of DDuck & Mickey Mouse from Standard & Charted Bank...LOL.

Is true teenagers nowadays are way...way ..different from our times. I think must be the Mills & Boons, Seventeen,Girlfriends,etc mags they read. I don't have the mood to read that sorts of magazines... I don't know why... :-P Mass Media created lotsa influences compared to years ago. My time only the rich can afford TVs even though is B & W. Now, audio visual products are cheap and variety of choices!

BUT the most influential experience that totally changed my life was at age 11... The event appeared in newspapers and I was badly affected by it. My classmate Lee Ee Lean was raped, murdered and thrown into a manhole just outside the Pesara Claimant Police Station and Govt Clinic. She went missing on Friday and her body was discovered on Sunday... :-( Her house is less than 50 km from me and the wet market. ok.. the murderer? He's a chicken seller/helper at the market. He attacked her at wee hours after she came back late from visiting and sent her old aunt home first. I bet he's been eyeing her movements for long time. Worst he was a friend to her family! He even had the guts to console my dead friend's family saying that whoever did that to their daughter will get his payback! I don't know how and details of how he was caught in the end... sigh... All I knew was he was sentenced to jail for 20 years! 10-15 years later he was released due to good conduct and minus public holidays,etc..(?) On the day of his released, his family-wife and children were happily waited for him... At times I wondered what about my friend's life? She doesn't have the chance to be a teenager, a wife or a mother. I wonder how that rapist-murderer lived his life with his family... I lived with that experience until today and the stigma made me caution with men ( that's why i got hitched at much later age...LOL )Also, each time I saw my nieces I always warned them cos I don't want them to end up like my classmate.

Even during my teenage years I'd seen students involved in sexual activities and even got themselves pregnant and had to stop schooling! Hai ya ya yaieeee... what we're going to do with our kids later regardless boy or girl?


Anonymous said...

The case happened in Penang. Luckily, my dad was not involved handling the case. He only gave me the news but not details cos he knew I was having nightmares and he doesn't want my studies affected for the Std 5 Aassessment (Like UPSR?) that year.


Wuching said...

love is giving all you got & asking none in return

Huei said...

wahh finally hear from a mother point of view.

yea..every parents r worried about their children..but i think being over protective will make the child weak..cos the child won't be able to protect him/herself

and over protective will lead to rebellious kids.

i'm still looking for my freedom lor..when i was young i wasn't allowed to go out..guys call sure kena questioned..if go out oso my dad fetch..6pm must be home edi (dad fetch oso)..those days were horrible..that's y i'm staying out now

i think this is a very complicated topic..maybe next time i become a mother i'll be like my mum oso..but i'll give more freedom lar..i dun wan my kids to be as rebellious as me! kekekke

erinalaw said...

Horny - it's not easy to be a mum or parents. Things are no longer like our younger time. Very much different now. So, nowadays have to spend time with them from young. Soon you will have know liau, I mean when you have your own kids. They will give you lots of headache.

Miss Reenee - you are lucky to have them and off course your parents are happy to have a good daughter like you too. I have seen alot of all this things and I know what will happen next.

Mrs b - Scary, real scary. You have any kids?

Sweet Jasmine - Thanks for dropping by. Am I a good mother? I am not sure. Shall wait and see. Let my kids answer this in 20 years time. hahaha...........

Bit Nee - I know you for so long and I know your story. You are rite, it's a circle of life. But, kids nowadays are not like us last time leh. Guess we are more obidient wor.

Pixen - your dad is a policeman? I am so sad to hear about your friend story. That type of creature should not just put them in jail for 20 years. They should sentense to death. They have kill someone. What is 20 years in jail? You are rite, it's not fair for your friend. She don't have a chance to go thru the life of a teenager, a wife and a mother to kids. Not fair.

Wuching - you are rite!!!

Huei - don't say you r a rebelious child and I believe you are not. It's difficult to explain at time and I believe they must have seen or heard something to make them treat you like that. You are better lor, I have a friend who is a mother too. Her daughter IC is kept by her even until she is 19 years old leh. Walk across the road also must hold hands. She is not allow to go oversea for further study. Scare wor!!! I know how she feel but we must give kids some freedom. It's depends how much we parents give out and how we monitor them. Being close or being their best friend are very IMPORTANT. I know you are a good girl!!!

zewt said...

a lot of things are beyond the control of parents nowadays.. teenagers just wanna look cool and be part of the hippy world... i's a trend no one can stop.

Kenny Ng said...

Good post! I quite agree with your opinion, now days teenage girls are to dangerous to mixing around or going out alone. If I'm the dad I'll be like that too but I'll spare more time with them. It's a very difficult situation for parents to protect their children, over protected will leave the children feel lonely, too loose will be dangerous.

Back to my era, I don't have such problem, maybe is because of the society now is not applicable like last time.

mrs b said...

yup, two girls. 7 and 3, different as day and night. i like your different from the norm baking shop. I don't see the ingredients you have at chun yip in kl. Great job, keep it up!

New Kid on the Blog said...

finally see you posting... you've been quiet lately. probably you're busy.

this is indeed a good post... like it a lot.

it has never been easy to be a parent, not to mention a mother or a father. nowadays the society is getting real freak... at times, i just dont understand how would this people think?

i've been following up on this little shearway's news.... how could the mother defend the boyfriend due to love? isn't the mother's love is greater than a couple's love?? at that age, being a mother dont even know how to think, this mother honestly really 'mensia-suikan'!

every parents are protective... am glad my parents did that too, at least for the children will understand what is right and wrong and even know how to weigh.

hope am not too cheong hei.

belle said...

i will say..giving money also a way of love.but sad way
my parents cant afford time on me therefore the way they love me is give me money to get what i want.
today they tried to give me what i was longing back then..but no more..
im already used to it..
i told them
"i know what you are trying to do..but it wont makes me feel better.ITs too late.im used to my own world already"
if i can choose..i choose concern and normal way of love rather than pasting money on my face and ask me to seek for my own happiness..

yu ming said...

Hi Mei Sun... came across your blog thru zewt's. He and I used to play badminton weekly a couple of years back! What a small world this is...

Anyway, this would be a super way for me to keep in touch with you. :)

Just wanted to say hi for now...

jasonphoon said...

I like how you talked about both sides of the story. Very balanced.

I had a friend who wanted to take care of his girlfriend and pay for her studies. He cannot even take care of himself !

This was when he was 19. She has since left him and gone to further her studies. Think of how foolish it would have been if they ran away from home !

erinalaw said...

Zewt - when u say the word trend hor, I scare liau leh. I got 2 kids so, how ar?

Kenny Ng - wait till u have ur own kids then, you might call me to ask liau. hehehe.

Mrs b - thanks

New Kid On The Blog - very sad about that case rite? If she don't want Ying Ying, she can give me also. I don't mind to have another daughter.

Belle - maybe your parents have a reason why they do that leh.

Yu Ming - ya! What a small smal world. Now Zewt know my real name liau. hehehe.........

Jasonphoon - Very sad to hear about that from you too. Human............ difficult to understand